Why we shouldn't shoot that second arrow...
Any time we suffer misfortune, two arrows fly our way. The second is optional. Without it, the suffering of the first arrow transforms.
When something unpleasant happens
That's bad enough
You'd think, no? So why do we make it even worse?
Why do we shoot ourselves with a second arrow?
This Buddhist parable of the two arrows brings wisdom.
Life will continue to shoot the first arrow. It's inevitable pain. But it's the second arrow, the one we shoot ourselves, that causes most suffering.
First arrow:
Our marriage isn't a happy one.
Mum got really ill.
Our child gets bullied.
You'd think if that happens,
We'd be kind to ourselves, no?
But nope, brace yourself for arrow two:
Marital fights? "My fault.
I am too fat, have become a nagging wife,
And should be more in the mood for sex."
Mum ill? I could have prevented that.
"I should have noticed her losing weight,
Visited her more, been a better son."
Bullied kid? Must be me.
"I should've been at home more,
And be less anxious myself,
Then he/she would be more confident."
You get my drift?
Something painful happens,
That's arrow number one.
Straight into the heart. It hurts.
And what do we do?
We plunge a second arrow in.
Full of negative self-talk,
Blame, doubt and unworthiness.
Why this second arrow of self-judgment,
Which imprisons us in our emotional reations?
Really, why?
It's painful enough as it is.
But our inner critic
Has become a habit of our mind.
Find Yourself Again
Karin Peeters proudly featured in Psychologies Magazine on the Buddhist concept of the second arrow
Click on the images with text to open the article for more enjoyable reading.
In this article Psychologies Magazine recommends Inner Pilgrim’s heartfelt online coaching course "Find Your Path”, Your Travel Guide to Self-Compassion. Read more:
The solution to stop shooting this second arrow?
Awaken your awareness.
Watch your thoughts, dear fellow Inner Pilgrim.
Be mindful of that inner chatterbox.
Pinpoint the recurring patterns.
Find your core limiting belief,
And then question it:
"Is that really true?"
And strangely enough,
Ask yourself
"How does believing this serve me?"
I know, at first glance,
You'd say it doesn't serve you at all.
But our psyche generates
These habitual thoughts for a reason.
“The second arrow is self-aversion for the fact of the first arrow. But if we are turned on ourselves, we cannot love this life. ”
- Tara Brach -
I invite you
Do not shoot the second arrow.
Catch yourself,
And pause instead.
Give yourself a big hug,
Allow the emotions
Caused by the first arrow.
It's OK.
Anger, grief, dissapointment, fear
Let them in.
Embrace it all.
Infinite compassion,
And in that gentle spaciousness
They will transform.
Unpleasant stuff will continue to happen.
Let's train our ability
To graciously cope,
Connected with our inner calm.
Like a wheel, turning fast,
Yet it's center remains unmoved.
This is a training of the mind
A practise of the heart.
Life will shoot arrow number one
How much we suffer,
Is arrow number two.
Just for a moment,
I am going to pretend
To be Cupid,
Sending you a golden arrow
So you'll fall even more in love
With all that is.
This precious life,
Let's use it well.
With love,
Karin
Source “second arrow” : Buddhism.
“Amen to that!”
“Aw again, so beautiful. Thank you!!!”
“Received your message in a rough moment of my life. As you said arrow one hurts but arrow two hurts even more. You’re helping others as you know so well. Thanks for doing it.”
“Loved this message this morning ❤️”
