Solitary Meditation Retreat - Part Two
“Show me the ways you avoid stillness, and I’ll show you the patterns that run your life.”
This quote is from Cory Muscara,
Who lived for six months as a monk,
Meditating 14+ hours a day.
So for me, last weekend
It was a beautiful opportunity
To stop
To sit with any discomfort
And do some real work.
I sat on this pillow you see in the picture
And watched my own mind.
This is what I saw:
Reflections on Day Two
This morning in the shower
My mind went to breakfast
I caught it
And brought it back to the here and now.
Just being with the water
Right here, right now.
My thoughts flying off
To what to write for you,
To organising retreats here for CEO’s,
As a way of fundraising for this sacred place.
My thoughts running towards the residential community here
And how (un)well they might think I do retreat.
Each time
I pull my mind back.
Catch it wandering of
Bringing my mind back home.
No point living in the future,
I might never make it there.
No point re-telling the past
Both just stories in my head.
“Yes of course, make ambitious plans”
Says the coach in me.
“Yes of course, heal and re-write your story”
Says the therapist in me.
But a mindless wandering of thoughts
Is just a waste of precious time.
Slow down thoughts
Slow down, dear mind of mine,
Find rest
Relax
Sink deeper…
My meditation experiences become more personal
More scary to share with you here.
Sunlight making visible
The threads made by skilful spiders.
A white glow around the trees.
Refocussing my eyes after meditation,
Watching the floaters in my field of vision
Like hairline cracks in the sky
Dancing with light.
“Meditation is not supposed to be the fabrication or the reinforcement of some particular state, but simply the cultivation of the awareness of whatever is arising in the mind”.
Thrangu Rinpoche
This space
Shared with birds, rabbits, deer, a bumble bee, an owl.
I’m meditating now.
20 minutes on, 10 rest, 3 rounds like that.
Then tea and cookies.
Hilarious to watch my mind
Treating myself with sugar
Gosh so many habits to break :)
Again I meditate. Again.
Again another round of three.
I feel an urgency now.
A pull
How special is this time
How much I could get out of it
If only…
If only what?
If only I knew properly
How fastest to book results
I want Tara, the female Buddha, in my heart.
A symbol for the biggest love of all.
Day two - afternoon
I took a rest
Went for a walk
Drank tea
Watched a squirl.
Focusing on the outbreath
Feeling more relaxed now.
Day Two - Evening
My own gaze
The eyes of the Buddha’s golden statue
Blazing forth unconditional love
A safety
A beckoning
A nudge:
Go girl… Watch your own mind.
More tears
The power of really looking at oneself
Eyes of loving kindness
No hiding anywhere
Watching truthfully
Where are my faults?
Where did I get it wrong?
This is an act of love
Don’t get me wrong
No guilt
No self-loathing
This is not like that.
It’s like a cleansing of the heart
And comes with great reward.
This is watching
Full of kindness
Gently but so forcefully
Single pointedly
Seeing clearly
And I saw.
And when what is in darkness
Comes into the light of consciousness
It is transformed.
Reflections on day three
Went into the meditation hall
Tried to apply my teacher’s
Meditation instructions.
I failed miserably :)
A moment of disappointment
Annoyed with myself.
Then a deep outbreath
Grateful for having even tried.
Sitting on the sofa
Underneath my duvet
A steaming cup of tea
Wood fire roaring
Watching the sky getting darker.
My final night here
Tomorrow back to my husband’s arms
Home just in time
(If you remember from this post)
For that desired lunch in the pub!
Wishing to do solo retreat yourself,
But need a little guidance?
Why not take my Inner Journeys
With you in your suitcase.
With love,
Karin
PS.
With gratitude to Gomde UK - Lindholme Hall
For their wonderful retreat center.
Curious to do solo-retreat yourself, and would love step-by-step guidance?
Pack our Inner Journeys in your suitcase:
“Beautiful Karin, to read about your retreat. And so much more depth to it than I imagined, not even any books to read! Very inspiring.”
